how

the last time we performed 12th floor in Hobart '06

To bloglovers and the ardent followers of our travels who keep our seats and hearts warm back home.

It is a strange thing to be on stage.

And stranger still to be in a performance and then return to it three years later. In 2006 the show had an amazing impact on my life. The vigour and discipline , the comradery all had a huge impact on me.
But most importantly the work spoke to me , held me and allowed me to continue to discover intricacies within it.
Now in the summer/winter of 2009 we have returned to it.
And the world has changed.
Significantly
For us the most significant change is the departure of our director and leader.
An event that shook us all to the very core.
And changed the way we look at the world and ourselves.
So strange to be in the work without it’s creator.
So strange to be playing the movement and the narrative that we played before.
Exactly the same movement.
Exactly the same story.
Fighting and working hard to present the work as it was .
Seeking and respecting every detail of what was.
Challenging our memories and bodies to retain the integrity of the show.
Making no changes to the structure or the tone of the piece.
Presenting what we had in 2006 .
Without the most important element.
The instigator and inspiration.

Struggling to present a world that has not changed since 2006.
And living in a world where everything has.

And what strikes me in that is that it holds.
The work holds.
With all the changes in the world.
The work holds its potency and relevance.

And most poignantly the work holds the tragedy that followed it.
In an almost prophetic way it speaks of escape and transcendence.
It follows its protagonist in and out of a complex existence.
Through ups and downs and finally upwards and out towards ……..
What ?
I don’t know.

But I do know that as soon as I heard the news about our loved Tanja I thought about this work.
I thought about the story of the work.
And the potency of her life.
Together.

Now you can call this misplaced emotion or the machinations of one hitherto inexperienced in grief.
And I am not trying to sanctify or mystify an extraordinary being and life.
More so , I am rediscovering the fact that every bit of life that Tanja had, everything she knew and all that she was, is in her work.
And I will venture further to say that every work that she made and ,I would gather, that she was in (although I sadly only had the opportunity to see one , the astounding ‘Just for Show’) the same is true.

But her story is in her work. Her essence.
Is there in the works that she poured herself into.
And it is the product of this intense life of creation that leaves me with the feeling that I am playing out a tragically beautiful and disturbing premonition.
Night after night.
And town after town.

And so ?
What’s to be done ?
What’s to be made of all this ?

For me I continue to receive inspiration from Tanja in her death as I did in her life.
The inspiration to fill life and work with all and everything you are
and all that you have
and all that you want
and all that you worry for
and all that you love
and all that you hope to be

Now , especially in the arts, everybody goes around saying

be in the moment
live in the now

And it is a worthy sentiment
There is no doubt
But I always wondered how
How?
It’s all very well to say it but how do you do it?
I never got that bit
Or it seemed like that was the bit that you were supposed to discover for yourself
But without it the adage becomes an order
Or a bizarre and empty statement of intent
Or patronising , frankly

Working with Tanja
Being in her work and world
And , I believe, experiencing it as an audience
You get a sense of how
To be present.

How to continue to give of everything that you have with all you have.

Tanja
Continuing to show me how
To be
Driven and courageous
Present
And in the now



Then and now

Peace out hommies
Hopen xx (from the bus on the way to Newcastle)